Well, life's like a road that you travel on
There's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
Now I have taken turn on a path of life on which I walked a long five years. Here I bent, I stood up and I proved myself as a good traveler. The day that had started on 18th September 2006 with full of enthusiasm and excitement finally came to an end.
Needless to say, I have come across some wonderful persons during this journey of life. The people that we meet on our journey, are people that we are destined to meet. Everybody comes into our lives for some reason or another and we don't always know their purpose until it is too late. And I am among those fortunate people, who have got the best teachers through this path of life.
I am taking this opportunity to thank God to present me some persons whom I worth for life time.
I would like to thank the maker of the well-known name BJ with which I grew in my EDI career. He is none other than Satish, whom I regard as my professional Guru.
I am thankful to get the friendship of unique personality Deb, who taught me to retain originality under all circumstances. He will always be the guide of my life.
I have got the co-workers who are more of a friend to me. I am proud to have Avinash as a friend with whom I can share happiness and can get scolded whenever I do something wrong. I cherish the moments of EDI career and the friend circle. There is Amitav, who can gossip for hours and can also teach me EDI when time comes. As BJ, I have grown up as a cool girl who does not care for anything and can tell whatever she feels. It seems it’s possible just because of the friend circle that I had. Thanks to Debashish and Pranabesh with whom I talked more non-EDI stuffs. Thanks to Maitryee with whom I have shared my hardships in all bad days. I got the opportunity to grow up under guidance of gems of EDI and then to lead few EDI juniors, who have treated me as an elder sister. A special thanks to the team of Satya, Prafula, Atiya, Priyanka, Rajshree, Asish, Sunil and Suchintan who gave me the opportunity to become the lead.
Memories are priceless treasures that we can cherish forever in our hearts. People will come and go into our lives quickly, but sometimes we are lucky to meet special persons who will stay in our hearts forever no matter what. Even though we may not always end up being with those persons and they may not always stay in our life for as long as we like, the lessons that we have learned from them and the experiences that we have gained from meeting them, will stay with us forever.
It's these things that will give us strength to continue on with our journey. We know that we can always look back on those times of our past and know that because of that one individual, we are who we are and we can remember the wonderful moments that we have shared with that person.
For me, my EDI career in Infosys has come to an end, which had given a new name, new life and was my part of life. Now I may not get an email addressed for BJ and I need not write an email having signature of BJ. Still all wonderful persons with whom I spent as BJ will remain forever and memories will always be cherished.
With love signing off
BJ
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
A tribute
It was a casual Sunday morning and I was talking to my husband. And luckily I was talking in synch with my husband unlike other days while my emotional madness rules and the talk end up with a mood off for both of us.
We were talking about my brother-in-law’s project on e-education in villages and casually I asked why he had chosen his own village Narigan where 80% of the people are already literate enough. The one reply of this casual question was strong enough to lighten my mind. My husband replied it was just a foundation stone to put legacy of his father.
From the day of marriage, the only thing in which I was not able to share was my husband’s inner sorrows for his father’s early death. The incident that became the turning point for five innocent children. Alas!! He was not there with the kids who developed with their own to stand proudly on the society. I have never seen my father-in-law. He had already left this materialistic world long before twenty years of my arrival to this house. Whenever I listen about my father-in-law, I used to feel very helpless. I feel why God did this. With the course of time, there is a great respect inbuilt within me for his thoughts and ideologies that I have heard of. Irony is had he been there, the family would have been in much affluent position not to accept me as bride. Apart from my responsibilities, often I feel ashamed to be the bride of this family. I have always heard from my husband that they just studied hard to fulfill Daddy’s dreams. Then sometimes I feel could I contribute to this!!
Now it seems like God has heard me. I have taken the opportunity to help my brother-in-law in his project. My husband’s reply worked as an inspiration for me. I do not know how much my contribution would help in making the project successful. But I would be proud enough if my effort can be included in putting the foundation of my late father-in-law.
Today on his death anniversary I cannot feel the void that was created long time back. Still I wanted to spend some time alone. Just to be with the omniscient lord and to ask him why he does this. There is no hard and fast rule for me to do something as part of custom. But it was my inner voice that restricted me to enjoy today. I loved the day as I spend time with the almighty, with myself and with my project to put legacy of my father-in-law!!!!!!!
We were talking about my brother-in-law’s project on e-education in villages and casually I asked why he had chosen his own village Narigan where 80% of the people are already literate enough. The one reply of this casual question was strong enough to lighten my mind. My husband replied it was just a foundation stone to put legacy of his father.
From the day of marriage, the only thing in which I was not able to share was my husband’s inner sorrows for his father’s early death. The incident that became the turning point for five innocent children. Alas!! He was not there with the kids who developed with their own to stand proudly on the society. I have never seen my father-in-law. He had already left this materialistic world long before twenty years of my arrival to this house. Whenever I listen about my father-in-law, I used to feel very helpless. I feel why God did this. With the course of time, there is a great respect inbuilt within me for his thoughts and ideologies that I have heard of. Irony is had he been there, the family would have been in much affluent position not to accept me as bride. Apart from my responsibilities, often I feel ashamed to be the bride of this family. I have always heard from my husband that they just studied hard to fulfill Daddy’s dreams. Then sometimes I feel could I contribute to this!!
Now it seems like God has heard me. I have taken the opportunity to help my brother-in-law in his project. My husband’s reply worked as an inspiration for me. I do not know how much my contribution would help in making the project successful. But I would be proud enough if my effort can be included in putting the foundation of my late father-in-law.
Today on his death anniversary I cannot feel the void that was created long time back. Still I wanted to spend some time alone. Just to be with the omniscient lord and to ask him why he does this. There is no hard and fast rule for me to do something as part of custom. But it was my inner voice that restricted me to enjoy today. I loved the day as I spend time with the almighty, with myself and with my project to put legacy of my father-in-law!!!!!!!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
As I stepped into 28
IT was an extract from the great epic Bhagbad Gita as “Its destiny that decides where you have to take birth. However it’s your deed that decides where and how you want to live your life”.
And this is one of the very extract that gives enthusiasm for life for millions of fortunately unfortunate people. I cannot tell that I am very unfortunate but still I am among one of those unfortunates. From the childhood, I have never dreamt of big things. But in the course of time, I have grown so big that I am getting the things for which I am not eligible. And the thing that always keeps me alive is my birth is not in not so called high profile society. How it’s my mistake that my parents are less literate? Whenever I try to take a step ahead in life it always drives me to think will there be any problem because my parents are not of high class society. And this is the bitter truth that always drives me back.
I am very much fortunate to get such parents who sacrificed many things of life for sake of their children. But they have always lived in a small village. I know how pure their minds are. But still how can I make the world understand about this. I am cursed for this in every steps of my life.
The great line of Bhagbad Gita fails with the real story of life in this critical materialistic world. Sometimes I feel it’s my father’s mistake to give me higher education. And it’s my mistake to aim high. Everybody should live with their own status. The girl of a primary teacher like me should never dream of studying Electronics and Telecommunication Engineering. That was the stepping stone when I sent my life into the world of hell. This is the place where I knew a word “Dream” in life. And now I can realize it was a cursing word for the girls like me.
Life was never easy for me and it will never be too. Every time I take the next step of life, I think let my parents get a proper respect. But it never ever happens.
Now I have spent 27 years of life. It has been a long journey for me. It’s so long that I have to leave everybody behind. When I take a look back, I stand alone on the lonely path of life. I have seen the diversity of life. And the diversion is towards a better a phase of life. The happiness has been changed from the homemade "pithas" to the luxurious creamy cakes. Still I am not able to find the peace. I am still missing the thatched roofs and the dusty road of my village. And above all my Bapa, Maa. I was not able to cut birthday cake here with my friends and colleagues, when at the same moment my father was working hard in his field to get grain for family. These words also seem artificial. I am helpless.
I had a thought to write the story of life. But now I feel what is there to pen down? It is the success that I want to portray? I am not able to call it a success. It’s all the outcome of my parent’s hard work and blessings and the grace of almighty. And irony is I do not have anything to share with them. I feel ashamed rather than proud. I feel inferior.
What is there to give them? Ohh Lord, if ever you want to change me more, please don’t snatch the time that I spend for my parents. Now I don’t have anything else to beg. I am very poor for my parents. I just want to spend a bit of time to realize their emotions, their life that helps to make me grounded.
At last a small oriya poem to console self,
“Jibanataa eka Maru Marichika ; sukha dukha aau seneha preeti ;
Chalijaa re mana ekaki tu ethi atala kari to manara sthiti."
And this is one of the very extract that gives enthusiasm for life for millions of fortunately unfortunate people. I cannot tell that I am very unfortunate but still I am among one of those unfortunates. From the childhood, I have never dreamt of big things. But in the course of time, I have grown so big that I am getting the things for which I am not eligible. And the thing that always keeps me alive is my birth is not in not so called high profile society. How it’s my mistake that my parents are less literate? Whenever I try to take a step ahead in life it always drives me to think will there be any problem because my parents are not of high class society. And this is the bitter truth that always drives me back.
I am very much fortunate to get such parents who sacrificed many things of life for sake of their children. But they have always lived in a small village. I know how pure their minds are. But still how can I make the world understand about this. I am cursed for this in every steps of my life.
The great line of Bhagbad Gita fails with the real story of life in this critical materialistic world. Sometimes I feel it’s my father’s mistake to give me higher education. And it’s my mistake to aim high. Everybody should live with their own status. The girl of a primary teacher like me should never dream of studying Electronics and Telecommunication Engineering. That was the stepping stone when I sent my life into the world of hell. This is the place where I knew a word “Dream” in life. And now I can realize it was a cursing word for the girls like me.
Life was never easy for me and it will never be too. Every time I take the next step of life, I think let my parents get a proper respect. But it never ever happens.
Now I have spent 27 years of life. It has been a long journey for me. It’s so long that I have to leave everybody behind. When I take a look back, I stand alone on the lonely path of life. I have seen the diversity of life. And the diversion is towards a better a phase of life. The happiness has been changed from the homemade "pithas" to the luxurious creamy cakes. Still I am not able to find the peace. I am still missing the thatched roofs and the dusty road of my village. And above all my Bapa, Maa. I was not able to cut birthday cake here with my friends and colleagues, when at the same moment my father was working hard in his field to get grain for family. These words also seem artificial. I am helpless.
I had a thought to write the story of life. But now I feel what is there to pen down? It is the success that I want to portray? I am not able to call it a success. It’s all the outcome of my parent’s hard work and blessings and the grace of almighty. And irony is I do not have anything to share with them. I feel ashamed rather than proud. I feel inferior.
What is there to give them? Ohh Lord, if ever you want to change me more, please don’t snatch the time that I spend for my parents. Now I don’t have anything else to beg. I am very poor for my parents. I just want to spend a bit of time to realize their emotions, their life that helps to make me grounded.
At last a small oriya poem to console self,
“Jibanataa eka Maru Marichika ; sukha dukha aau seneha preeti ;
Chalijaa re mana ekaki tu ethi atala kari to manara sthiti."
Friday, May 20, 2011
Miles I went!!!!!
The woods are lovely dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
Miles to go before I sleep,
Miles to go before I sleep!!!!
This was the extract I learnt long back in the age of 16 years. It was a time when I did not know the meaning of it. My teacher had taught it to me as a meaningful line, but I was not aware of it. It may be because I have never imagined of such a long path of life. A shy girl of the class is now the only girl of the class to reach somewhere alone. Now I have covered an unimaginable length of life. Life has been so different. There has been a change from every angle of life. It was a time when I used to have my diary with me. My diary was my best friend to control me, to scold me, to hold my tears and to share my joy. I never wanted to upon up myself. Now I do not want to cry with my diary. And now I want to write blogs instead of diary!!! It’s not that I have become very wise and learned; still I want to share my thoughts. Often I feel I am the luckiest and times I feel I am the loneliest. And in real sense, yes I am. Success throws you in the loneliest path. You have to walk alone. You have listen realize some bitter truths of life. Though I am not that successful. I have attained enough success to realize the loneliness and bitter truths.
I am not among them who loves a lavish life. And luckily God has not given it to me too. But I am afraid of my own life. Will there be a time when I will be different than my nearer and dearer??? I do not know when I become so big to argue with things. I have started giving my own view points. There was a time when my brother was my best friend. Now we are deviating in our views of life. We are arguing in our each views. I have been nurtured in a small village. My father is the guide to show me this path. But now I have come so far.. After them I got my next gift of life. My husband…. He is different. Much different from the millions of husbands, who keep their wives with all luxury and gift them with all materialistic things. I never expect such things from him. But it is the heart where love is stored in plenty. It is the lap that has the capacity to take away all sorrows. I never thought that I would be so close to somebody. But it was his wonderful capability to pull me. I do not want to argue with him. But times I do. And I feel lonely. I do not want be more knowledgeable than me. And I am not too. But again its the same reason which sometimes shivers me from within.
I do not have any solution to it. Ohh!! Gopal, Is it I am also forgetting you? This would be the last thing to do. Please help me!!! I am nothing alone… I do not want anybody to away from me. Give me strength Lord.
But I have promises to keep,
Miles to go before I sleep,
Miles to go before I sleep!!!!
This was the extract I learnt long back in the age of 16 years. It was a time when I did not know the meaning of it. My teacher had taught it to me as a meaningful line, but I was not aware of it. It may be because I have never imagined of such a long path of life. A shy girl of the class is now the only girl of the class to reach somewhere alone. Now I have covered an unimaginable length of life. Life has been so different. There has been a change from every angle of life. It was a time when I used to have my diary with me. My diary was my best friend to control me, to scold me, to hold my tears and to share my joy. I never wanted to upon up myself. Now I do not want to cry with my diary. And now I want to write blogs instead of diary!!! It’s not that I have become very wise and learned; still I want to share my thoughts. Often I feel I am the luckiest and times I feel I am the loneliest. And in real sense, yes I am. Success throws you in the loneliest path. You have to walk alone. You have listen realize some bitter truths of life. Though I am not that successful. I have attained enough success to realize the loneliness and bitter truths.
I am not among them who loves a lavish life. And luckily God has not given it to me too. But I am afraid of my own life. Will there be a time when I will be different than my nearer and dearer??? I do not know when I become so big to argue with things. I have started giving my own view points. There was a time when my brother was my best friend. Now we are deviating in our views of life. We are arguing in our each views. I have been nurtured in a small village. My father is the guide to show me this path. But now I have come so far.. After them I got my next gift of life. My husband…. He is different. Much different from the millions of husbands, who keep their wives with all luxury and gift them with all materialistic things. I never expect such things from him. But it is the heart where love is stored in plenty. It is the lap that has the capacity to take away all sorrows. I never thought that I would be so close to somebody. But it was his wonderful capability to pull me. I do not want to argue with him. But times I do. And I feel lonely. I do not want be more knowledgeable than me. And I am not too. But again its the same reason which sometimes shivers me from within.
I do not have any solution to it. Ohh!! Gopal, Is it I am also forgetting you? This would be the last thing to do. Please help me!!! I am nothing alone… I do not want anybody to away from me. Give me strength Lord.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Egoism, the Killer
Just a few days back, I saw an old movie “Abhimaan”.
It’s a very popular film of Bollywood industry of early seventies. However I never had a chance to see it. I liked the movie a lot due to the lovely songs. But the most important was the message it was carrying. This has led me put the feelings into my own words.
The film was based on the husband wife relationship and underlying ego. Though it was depicted in early seventies, it’s a lesson for this woman chauvinism society of this 21st century.
So question and concern is Ego in relationship.
According to the great epic Bhagavad-Gita, ego is the feeling of separateness, the sense of duality or the idea of being distinct and different from others. It is the false perception of the self that exists in all of us as individual consciousness. The ego makes us believe that we are doers of all our actions and are also responsible for all our actions.
The ego is an aspect of personality of a human being. It mediates the demands of the other aspects of the personality called the id and the superego. The ego is the part of us that prevents us from acting on our basic urges or more primitive instincts that flow from the id and also works to achieve a balance with our moral and idealistic standards, coming from the superego. It is considered to be connected to the conscious as well as the unconscious parts of our psyche.
Coming to a relationship of married couple, there is no relationship when there is existence of ego. Relationship cannot happen before the egos are gone. You only believe that it is a relationship. In contrary it is a conflict, it is enmity, it is jealousy, it is aggression, it is domination, it is possession, and many things – but not relationship. How can you relate with two egos there? When there are two egos, then there are four persons. The wife is there and the ego, and the husband is there and the ego – husband is hidden behind his ego, wife is hidden behind her ego, and those two egos go on making love. The real contact never happens. Here ego becomes the unconscious part of our psyche. It is disastrous.
When ego is dropped in the relationship, love happens and then ecstasy happens. Then that very relationship becomes sacred, it becomes a shrine. And through that door you can reach to Almighty, the Supreme of all being. You have to grow more and more towards the state where the ’I’ is not present at all. This is the goal of all love, and this is the misery of all lovers. Because they want this to happen and it doesn’t happen, then there is great misery, then they feel cheated, then they feel frustrated. Then they start thinking of changing the partner.
The movie beautifully illustrates the sacrifice of the wife for his husband’s ego and in turn beautifies their relationship. Sacrifice may not be the right word for it. Rather it’s the realization and demolition of the self-ego for a better life. In the end, only husband is for a wife and vice-versa. In this so called woman chauvinism society, as women always think they should be equal in all essence as men, this cannot always be valid. At the end, the wife has to sacrifice. This is life as defined all the great personalities.
In the childhood, my father had summarized me the life of a woman in three stages:
1. In first stage, a girl is under the guidance of her parents. Once she crosses it, she starts ruining her own life.
2. In the second stage, the girl is under the guidance of her husband.
3. In third stage, she is under guidance of her own children.
The lines may be small, but now I can feel this carries the whole meaning of life within it. There is no question of ego in the life of a wife/girl. But nobody should misread as a lady has not her own prestige or self-esteem. This is the way ladies have always been respected in our society. Sita Devi in Ramayan, whom I consider as the emblem of sacrifice should be the example of every woman’s life. She is also the most respected lady in the history of Indian epics.
It’s a very popular film of Bollywood industry of early seventies. However I never had a chance to see it. I liked the movie a lot due to the lovely songs. But the most important was the message it was carrying. This has led me put the feelings into my own words.
The film was based on the husband wife relationship and underlying ego. Though it was depicted in early seventies, it’s a lesson for this woman chauvinism society of this 21st century.
So question and concern is Ego in relationship.
According to the great epic Bhagavad-Gita, ego is the feeling of separateness, the sense of duality or the idea of being distinct and different from others. It is the false perception of the self that exists in all of us as individual consciousness. The ego makes us believe that we are doers of all our actions and are also responsible for all our actions.
The ego is an aspect of personality of a human being. It mediates the demands of the other aspects of the personality called the id and the superego. The ego is the part of us that prevents us from acting on our basic urges or more primitive instincts that flow from the id and also works to achieve a balance with our moral and idealistic standards, coming from the superego. It is considered to be connected to the conscious as well as the unconscious parts of our psyche.
Coming to a relationship of married couple, there is no relationship when there is existence of ego. Relationship cannot happen before the egos are gone. You only believe that it is a relationship. In contrary it is a conflict, it is enmity, it is jealousy, it is aggression, it is domination, it is possession, and many things – but not relationship. How can you relate with two egos there? When there are two egos, then there are four persons. The wife is there and the ego, and the husband is there and the ego – husband is hidden behind his ego, wife is hidden behind her ego, and those two egos go on making love. The real contact never happens. Here ego becomes the unconscious part of our psyche. It is disastrous.
When ego is dropped in the relationship, love happens and then ecstasy happens. Then that very relationship becomes sacred, it becomes a shrine. And through that door you can reach to Almighty, the Supreme of all being. You have to grow more and more towards the state where the ’I’ is not present at all. This is the goal of all love, and this is the misery of all lovers. Because they want this to happen and it doesn’t happen, then there is great misery, then they feel cheated, then they feel frustrated. Then they start thinking of changing the partner.
The movie beautifully illustrates the sacrifice of the wife for his husband’s ego and in turn beautifies their relationship. Sacrifice may not be the right word for it. Rather it’s the realization and demolition of the self-ego for a better life. In the end, only husband is for a wife and vice-versa. In this so called woman chauvinism society, as women always think they should be equal in all essence as men, this cannot always be valid. At the end, the wife has to sacrifice. This is life as defined all the great personalities.
In the childhood, my father had summarized me the life of a woman in three stages:
1. In first stage, a girl is under the guidance of her parents. Once she crosses it, she starts ruining her own life.
2. In the second stage, the girl is under the guidance of her husband.
3. In third stage, she is under guidance of her own children.
The lines may be small, but now I can feel this carries the whole meaning of life within it. There is no question of ego in the life of a wife/girl. But nobody should misread as a lady has not her own prestige or self-esteem. This is the way ladies have always been respected in our society. Sita Devi in Ramayan, whom I consider as the emblem of sacrifice should be the example of every woman’s life. She is also the most respected lady in the history of Indian epics.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Visit to San Diego
A lovely Saturday..
Coolness in the air and calmness in the mind. After a long day, I am enjoying the gift of nature. The day started with a good talk with my husband, my near and dear for everything and anything. Yes.. These are some precious moments when I talk both valuable and absurd whatever there are in my mind. And he patiently listens to all of them.
This is the third week I am spending in Scottsdale and now I am feeling myself again free to live here. Today, one of the best day in my life as I got a very good solution to settle down my life with my husband and got a time line too. Feeling relaxed!!!!
Last weekend was my first visit to outside Scottsdale to San Diego. There I saw the real society of United States of America. People do not have time to wait for anybody. People do not care for any body. On a positive front, people do not need anybody to enjoy their lives. It was a good trip to visit a nice place of California State. The journey was with manager and family. So it was an addition for me to observe the child of manager and how they are managing their child. He does not have a good reputation in team. But it was good that he took us with him. But he was so funny. Every time he forgets the car key :). It might be around ten times he forgot some keys.
On day 1, we first visited sea beach of Pacific ocean. It was cool and freezing. I was nostalgic of my Puri beach trip. But scenario was different. Here people were jogging, cycling. Unlike Puri, where most of the people used to bath. Then we started for museum of natural history. There I visited many a things like dolphin, dinosaurs and many collections. We saw three 3D shows. It reminded me of my first 3D show that I had seen with my husband in Kolkata. I had slept during that time. But this time I was awake :)and seen everything that was there. In the evening we were again on sea beach to enjoy sunset. I was forcefully sat on a rollercoaster. Again same case, in Kolkata I had reluctantly sat with Kishan. But this time, I could not deny and had to sit. It was horrible. I cannot enjoy such things. Then we got into a Mexican restaurant. Food is what I can never ever like. I could not decode whether it was chicken or vegetables only. Still I had to. There was a beautiful sunset view beyond the horizon of pacific ocean along with the rainbow. I loved that place. It was serene. I wanted somebody very close to me or completely lonely for some time to enjoy that beauty of nature.
It was time to be back to hotel room. Hotel rooms were so organized. Everything was there. Alas! In a big bed I had to sleep alone.
Journey began for day two to the SeaWorld of San Diego. The flowers were lovely. It was full of colors. I enjoyed everything there. Though there was a missing factor inbuilt within me, place was really awesome. I see many things for first time in my life. There were Samu, the killing whale; sea lions, dolphins, penguins, sharks and innumerable water inhabitants. The trained Samus were playful and were acting like anything. I had just heard of dolphins and heard of their amiable behavior. But it was unbelievable to real eyes to see what they can do. It was nice to see the organizational behavior and the maintenance of the whole place.
On the other hand, I was not able to enjoy everything due to heavy missing factor that was cursing me from within. I finally bought a DVD to show Samu’s acting’s to my near and dear ones. In spite of so many beautiful things around me, I was feeling like crying from within. It was reminding me of Ani, with whom I had roamed many small places of Bhubaneswar. I was feeling as if I do not deserve so many things of life, when in return I am not able to give anything to the personalities who have made me to reach here. We finally came back to hotel around eight in the night. The night was pathetic for me. Kishan was online to talk with me. He was not at all happy. He had just returned from Bhubaneswar to Kolkata with the same deprivation of humanity of people in his heart and mind. I have seen the way he is treated in Bhubaneswar and now it is too difficult because nobody is there. I chatted many things with him till he felt bit relaxed. As usual, hardly he speaks the sorrows of his heart. I hated everything that I had given to enjoy. I could not sleep on that delicious bed. I could not eat even. I was feeling like returning back to India.
It was the last day for us in San Diego. We visited some beautiful sea beaches. I wished to spend some time there alone to speak with nature. We saw two more museums of Art and Culture and of Human. It was then time to return back to Scottsdale. We started around six from San Diego. It was a cool night journey on car. I was sitting alone with the little daughter Lipi on the last seat. She was sleeping on my lap. I was in deep thoughts enjoying the beautiful night. There were snowy white hills in both sides of the road. I saw a full moon after a long days. I could not able to sleep and waste that beautiful time. It was just time for me. To think of myself. To be within me. Infact, I regained some of my inner energy to think of nature and to think of life. I was imagining of a baby of my own, which I can gift and will be a gift to my own too. The whole journey gave a lot of strength.
The end of trip to San Diego.
How to end? May be I will be able to edit if I want to have a good end of it It is just a part of life. The people of a high profile society take a break from regular life to enjoy. I never had imagined of such things. This artificial sugar was never added to life where I had lived my life… Our regular life and the joy and sorrows in the small home are just the great movies for me. Now life style is changing. I have travelled a long path. The path is so long when I take a look back!!!!
From where I started to where I am today
The journey has been long & tiring
from nothing to some thing I am today
It’s not been an easy journey.
Still Fly with the wings of the thought
feel with the wisdom of yesterday
burry the sorrow, make place for the new
rejoice in what will come and dare
give way, don't let nothing frighten you
just make the journey of the heart!!!
Coolness in the air and calmness in the mind. After a long day, I am enjoying the gift of nature. The day started with a good talk with my husband, my near and dear for everything and anything. Yes.. These are some precious moments when I talk both valuable and absurd whatever there are in my mind. And he patiently listens to all of them.
This is the third week I am spending in Scottsdale and now I am feeling myself again free to live here. Today, one of the best day in my life as I got a very good solution to settle down my life with my husband and got a time line too. Feeling relaxed!!!!
Last weekend was my first visit to outside Scottsdale to San Diego. There I saw the real society of United States of America. People do not have time to wait for anybody. People do not care for any body. On a positive front, people do not need anybody to enjoy their lives. It was a good trip to visit a nice place of California State. The journey was with manager and family. So it was an addition for me to observe the child of manager and how they are managing their child. He does not have a good reputation in team. But it was good that he took us with him. But he was so funny. Every time he forgets the car key :). It might be around ten times he forgot some keys.
On day 1, we first visited sea beach of Pacific ocean. It was cool and freezing. I was nostalgic of my Puri beach trip. But scenario was different. Here people were jogging, cycling. Unlike Puri, where most of the people used to bath. Then we started for museum of natural history. There I visited many a things like dolphin, dinosaurs and many collections. We saw three 3D shows. It reminded me of my first 3D show that I had seen with my husband in Kolkata. I had slept during that time. But this time I was awake :)and seen everything that was there. In the evening we were again on sea beach to enjoy sunset. I was forcefully sat on a rollercoaster. Again same case, in Kolkata I had reluctantly sat with Kishan. But this time, I could not deny and had to sit. It was horrible. I cannot enjoy such things. Then we got into a Mexican restaurant. Food is what I can never ever like. I could not decode whether it was chicken or vegetables only. Still I had to. There was a beautiful sunset view beyond the horizon of pacific ocean along with the rainbow. I loved that place. It was serene. I wanted somebody very close to me or completely lonely for some time to enjoy that beauty of nature.
It was time to be back to hotel room. Hotel rooms were so organized. Everything was there. Alas! In a big bed I had to sleep alone.
Journey began for day two to the SeaWorld of San Diego. The flowers were lovely. It was full of colors. I enjoyed everything there. Though there was a missing factor inbuilt within me, place was really awesome. I see many things for first time in my life. There were Samu, the killing whale; sea lions, dolphins, penguins, sharks and innumerable water inhabitants. The trained Samus were playful and were acting like anything. I had just heard of dolphins and heard of their amiable behavior. But it was unbelievable to real eyes to see what they can do. It was nice to see the organizational behavior and the maintenance of the whole place.
On the other hand, I was not able to enjoy everything due to heavy missing factor that was cursing me from within. I finally bought a DVD to show Samu’s acting’s to my near and dear ones. In spite of so many beautiful things around me, I was feeling like crying from within. It was reminding me of Ani, with whom I had roamed many small places of Bhubaneswar. I was feeling as if I do not deserve so many things of life, when in return I am not able to give anything to the personalities who have made me to reach here. We finally came back to hotel around eight in the night. The night was pathetic for me. Kishan was online to talk with me. He was not at all happy. He had just returned from Bhubaneswar to Kolkata with the same deprivation of humanity of people in his heart and mind. I have seen the way he is treated in Bhubaneswar and now it is too difficult because nobody is there. I chatted many things with him till he felt bit relaxed. As usual, hardly he speaks the sorrows of his heart. I hated everything that I had given to enjoy. I could not sleep on that delicious bed. I could not eat even. I was feeling like returning back to India.
It was the last day for us in San Diego. We visited some beautiful sea beaches. I wished to spend some time there alone to speak with nature. We saw two more museums of Art and Culture and of Human. It was then time to return back to Scottsdale. We started around six from San Diego. It was a cool night journey on car. I was sitting alone with the little daughter Lipi on the last seat. She was sleeping on my lap. I was in deep thoughts enjoying the beautiful night. There were snowy white hills in both sides of the road. I saw a full moon after a long days. I could not able to sleep and waste that beautiful time. It was just time for me. To think of myself. To be within me. Infact, I regained some of my inner energy to think of nature and to think of life. I was imagining of a baby of my own, which I can gift and will be a gift to my own too. The whole journey gave a lot of strength.
The end of trip to San Diego.
How to end? May be I will be able to edit if I want to have a good end of it It is just a part of life. The people of a high profile society take a break from regular life to enjoy. I never had imagined of such things. This artificial sugar was never added to life where I had lived my life… Our regular life and the joy and sorrows in the small home are just the great movies for me. Now life style is changing. I have travelled a long path. The path is so long when I take a look back!!!!
From where I started to where I am today
The journey has been long & tiring
from nothing to some thing I am today
It’s not been an easy journey.
Still Fly with the wings of the thought
feel with the wisdom of yesterday
burry the sorrow, make place for the new
rejoice in what will come and dare
give way, don't let nothing frighten you
just make the journey of the heart!!!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Journey To US
Journey to US..
One more stepping stone in my life..
My journey to US is dedicated to my husband for all his attempts to move a shy girl of a remote village of India to the most powerful country of world where everybody has a dream to land in.
I will not call it “A dream came true”, because to be in US was beyond all my dreams. It’s all due to my husband for his vision to show his wife to the entire world as “Different than others”. He is more of a guide to me than a husband. I always used to pray Lord Gopal not to give me anything but just to guide me with His unseen hands. It might be the reason why He gifted me a wonderful friend to guide me in all phases of life.
It all started when he told me to ask for an onsite opportunity in office. Till that time, I did not know that I would be eligible to go to onsite. I was not confident enough to show my own calibers. Still it worked. I was given the opportunity and the process started officially.
Though it was due to my own mistake, the processing path was not easy for me. I lost my passport due to my own ignorance. But the struggle was ultimate to get a duplicate passport. I admit that I got it done without any external help. But my husband was like a wonderful power behind me to get it done. He never gave a word of sympathy or a word of love. But his encouragement to walk alone had given me all the strength. He used to show everything in action. Unlike rest, I never got any luxurious gift, but his constant support had made me so weak without him. At times I failed to rise to his level of thoughts. I blamed him. I scolded him. I used harsh words for him. It was just to hear a word of sympathy from him. Wanted to hear a word of love. And ironically, he was tougher. This used to again remind me that I am wife of a unique personality. I again used to stand to walk alone for the next event. At last after a struggle of four and half a month, I got my passport. Till that time, all my happiness to get it had vanished.
My onsite trip was getting confirmed. Day by day, I was getting nervous. My dear husband was getting silent. The silence was terrific. He was so distressed that I was not able to face him. In that silence, he did everything for me starting from the shopping till the tips to reach at onsite and on American life style. I wanted him to tell something from his heart. But he was silent. He hardly used to break his emotions.
Nothing was enough. Just before a fortnight of my onsite travel, our nephew accidentally got into a mild brain hemorrhage. He spent time in hospital. We did not have time to talk and not even to finish up my preparation for the trip. I was also worried and concerned. But harsh truth was at times I was becoming selfish too to spend a bit of time with my husband from whom I was departing in some countable days. My husband had no time for himself. He did whatever he could.
I was just observing a person sacrificing his happiness and life for everybody. My respect for him was rising to peak. Yes, he deserved a lot too.
He was scattered with sorrows. And he broke his emotions admitting that he would not be able to live alone. It was the weakest moment for me.
We were packed up with events. We had to attend my brother’s marriage. It was just before four days of my scheduled trip. I did not have any interest to leave everything and come to US alone.. I was feeling weak. My husband as ever, did everything. He packed my baggage too. Simultaneously he was a husband, a father and a master for me.
My journey started on the scheduled date. I had cried for whole of the day. The departure was tough for me. It was tougher for him. He had gone silent. I left him. I could not look into his eyes. It was so painful. He was standing at the gate for an hour after I left. Later he had called up everybody he could to take care of me.
It was time for me to start life alone. I do not have anything to contact him too. I started my first flight journey to Frankfurt. Everything was new for me… The rules of flight, communicating with people and the whole path. I saw every co-passenger around me had their spouses and kids. I am the only single passenger. I was missing my husband. I could not eat anything even. Finally I landed in Frankfurt. It was freezing there. There was snowfall outside. It was a new experience for me. I started for my next flight. I had to search for the gate where I was supposed to catch my next flight. It took almost two hours for me. I was seeing the big airport for the first time. Still there was three hours in my hand to rest. I searched for a communicating device to convey I had reached in Frankfurt. However I saw both internet and phone needed Euros and I did not have it. As already suggested by my husband, I asked a person to know how to use wi-fi facility. He was an Indian, but was too arrogant. It was not helpful. I stopped trying and took rest. At the scheduled time, I took flight for Denver. There I met a co-passenger from Germany. She was crying. I again felt crying. I talked to her. The journey was better. I landed in US. Again there were formalities. I was again asked the same question with strange eyes. So you are going to live away from your husband for a year. It was a big yes from my side. But I asked to myself “how”. Anyways I was in hurry to take my flight to Phoenix. I caught the flight just before six minutes. After two hours, I reached at my destination. My teammates were waiting for me. I talked to my husband after 34 hours. He felt so relaxed.
I saw US life style. My new life started at that moment. In that night, I went to Walmart to buy beddings. I went to throw garbage after I reached in house. It was time to rest then. I called up Bapa from my roommate’s free phone. He cried as I talked to him. He told me the story when I was an infant of seven days. Everybody thought I was dead and were preparing for my funeral. Luckily I was not. And now that girl was in US!! Yes, it was journey of a girl from the remote village to America.
Everything is settled. Now I do not have anything to give to my dearest husband who was the driving force behind all these. He is alone and distressed. I pray to Lord Gopal to be with him and give him all strength.
Life will go on!!!
One more stepping stone in my life..
My journey to US is dedicated to my husband for all his attempts to move a shy girl of a remote village of India to the most powerful country of world where everybody has a dream to land in.
I will not call it “A dream came true”, because to be in US was beyond all my dreams. It’s all due to my husband for his vision to show his wife to the entire world as “Different than others”. He is more of a guide to me than a husband. I always used to pray Lord Gopal not to give me anything but just to guide me with His unseen hands. It might be the reason why He gifted me a wonderful friend to guide me in all phases of life.
It all started when he told me to ask for an onsite opportunity in office. Till that time, I did not know that I would be eligible to go to onsite. I was not confident enough to show my own calibers. Still it worked. I was given the opportunity and the process started officially.
Though it was due to my own mistake, the processing path was not easy for me. I lost my passport due to my own ignorance. But the struggle was ultimate to get a duplicate passport. I admit that I got it done without any external help. But my husband was like a wonderful power behind me to get it done. He never gave a word of sympathy or a word of love. But his encouragement to walk alone had given me all the strength. He used to show everything in action. Unlike rest, I never got any luxurious gift, but his constant support had made me so weak without him. At times I failed to rise to his level of thoughts. I blamed him. I scolded him. I used harsh words for him. It was just to hear a word of sympathy from him. Wanted to hear a word of love. And ironically, he was tougher. This used to again remind me that I am wife of a unique personality. I again used to stand to walk alone for the next event. At last after a struggle of four and half a month, I got my passport. Till that time, all my happiness to get it had vanished.
My onsite trip was getting confirmed. Day by day, I was getting nervous. My dear husband was getting silent. The silence was terrific. He was so distressed that I was not able to face him. In that silence, he did everything for me starting from the shopping till the tips to reach at onsite and on American life style. I wanted him to tell something from his heart. But he was silent. He hardly used to break his emotions.
Nothing was enough. Just before a fortnight of my onsite travel, our nephew accidentally got into a mild brain hemorrhage. He spent time in hospital. We did not have time to talk and not even to finish up my preparation for the trip. I was also worried and concerned. But harsh truth was at times I was becoming selfish too to spend a bit of time with my husband from whom I was departing in some countable days. My husband had no time for himself. He did whatever he could.
I was just observing a person sacrificing his happiness and life for everybody. My respect for him was rising to peak. Yes, he deserved a lot too.
He was scattered with sorrows. And he broke his emotions admitting that he would not be able to live alone. It was the weakest moment for me.
We were packed up with events. We had to attend my brother’s marriage. It was just before four days of my scheduled trip. I did not have any interest to leave everything and come to US alone.. I was feeling weak. My husband as ever, did everything. He packed my baggage too. Simultaneously he was a husband, a father and a master for me.
My journey started on the scheduled date. I had cried for whole of the day. The departure was tough for me. It was tougher for him. He had gone silent. I left him. I could not look into his eyes. It was so painful. He was standing at the gate for an hour after I left. Later he had called up everybody he could to take care of me.
It was time for me to start life alone. I do not have anything to contact him too. I started my first flight journey to Frankfurt. Everything was new for me… The rules of flight, communicating with people and the whole path. I saw every co-passenger around me had their spouses and kids. I am the only single passenger. I was missing my husband. I could not eat anything even. Finally I landed in Frankfurt. It was freezing there. There was snowfall outside. It was a new experience for me. I started for my next flight. I had to search for the gate where I was supposed to catch my next flight. It took almost two hours for me. I was seeing the big airport for the first time. Still there was three hours in my hand to rest. I searched for a communicating device to convey I had reached in Frankfurt. However I saw both internet and phone needed Euros and I did not have it. As already suggested by my husband, I asked a person to know how to use wi-fi facility. He was an Indian, but was too arrogant. It was not helpful. I stopped trying and took rest. At the scheduled time, I took flight for Denver. There I met a co-passenger from Germany. She was crying. I again felt crying. I talked to her. The journey was better. I landed in US. Again there were formalities. I was again asked the same question with strange eyes. So you are going to live away from your husband for a year. It was a big yes from my side. But I asked to myself “how”. Anyways I was in hurry to take my flight to Phoenix. I caught the flight just before six minutes. After two hours, I reached at my destination. My teammates were waiting for me. I talked to my husband after 34 hours. He felt so relaxed.
I saw US life style. My new life started at that moment. In that night, I went to Walmart to buy beddings. I went to throw garbage after I reached in house. It was time to rest then. I called up Bapa from my roommate’s free phone. He cried as I talked to him. He told me the story when I was an infant of seven days. Everybody thought I was dead and were preparing for my funeral. Luckily I was not. And now that girl was in US!! Yes, it was journey of a girl from the remote village to America.
Everything is settled. Now I do not have anything to give to my dearest husband who was the driving force behind all these. He is alone and distressed. I pray to Lord Gopal to be with him and give him all strength.
Life will go on!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
