As I stepped into 28

IT was an extract from the great epic Bhagbad Gita as “Its destiny that decides where you have to take birth. However it’s your deed that decides where and how you want to live your life”.
And this is one of the very extract that gives enthusiasm for life for millions of fortunately unfortunate people. I cannot tell that I am very unfortunate but still I am among one of those unfortunates. From the childhood, I have never dreamt of big things. But in the course of time, I have grown so big that I am getting the things for which I am not eligible. And the thing that always keeps me alive is my birth is not in not so called high profile society. How it’s my mistake that my parents are less literate? Whenever I try to take a step ahead in life it always drives me to think will there be any problem because my parents are not of high class society. And this is the bitter truth that always drives me back.
I am very much fortunate to get such parents who sacrificed many things of life for sake of their children. But they have always lived in a small village. I know how pure their minds are. But still how can I make the world understand about this. I am cursed for this in every steps of my life.

The great line of Bhagbad Gita fails with the real story of life in this critical materialistic world. Sometimes I feel it’s my father’s mistake to give me higher education. And it’s my mistake to aim high. Everybody should live with their own status. The girl of a primary teacher like me should never dream of studying Electronics and Telecommunication Engineering. That was the stepping stone when I sent my life into the world of hell. This is the place where I knew a word “Dream” in life. And now I can realize it was a cursing word for the girls like me.
Life was never easy for me and it will never be too. Every time I take the next step of life, I think let my parents get a proper respect. But it never ever happens.

Now I have spent 27 years of life. It has been a long journey for me. It’s so long that I have to leave everybody behind. When I take a look back, I stand alone on the lonely path of life. I have seen the diversity of life. And the diversion is towards a better a phase of life. The happiness has been changed from the homemade "pithas" to the luxurious creamy cakes. Still I am not able to find the peace. I am still missing the thatched roofs and the dusty road of my village. And above all my Bapa, Maa. I was not able to cut birthday cake here with my friends and colleagues, when at the same moment my father was working hard in his field to get grain for family. These words also seem artificial. I am helpless.

I had a thought to write the story of life. But now I feel what is there to pen down? It is the success that I want to portray? I am not able to call it a success. It’s all the outcome of my parent’s hard work and blessings and the grace of almighty. And irony is I do not have anything to share with them. I feel ashamed rather than proud. I feel inferior.
What is there to give them? Ohh Lord, if ever you want to change me more, please don’t snatch the time that I spend for my parents. Now I don’t have anything else to beg. I am very poor for my parents. I just want to spend a bit of time to realize their emotions, their life that helps to make me grounded.

At last a small oriya poem to console self,
“Jibanataa eka Maru Marichika ; sukha dukha aau seneha preeti ;
Chalijaa re mana ekaki tu ethi atala kari to manara sthiti."